I’m sorry for the harm and stress I have caused you over the years. It wasn’t until recently that I fully gave permission to myself and forgive all of the pain I’ve felt, trouble I caused, fights I started, fears I felt, projections I casted, and love I denied, and in doing so I witnessed that the victim was you.
I truly did not know what I was doing, and it is not an excuse, but it is a reason.
A reason that you were the one who suffered the consequences of every bad relationship, every incident that arose in my family, every piece of resentment I had for any discord with my job and those with whom I worked, every fight or falling out with a friend… and I took it out on you.
And I’m sorry.
It was never my intention to use you as a shield to protect me from harm, and it was unfair and unkind of me to expect you to guard me, my heart, my ego from anything that resembled an attack. I didn’t know any other way to protect myself, but now that simply isn’t true. However, it doesn’t excuse my behavior and give me great pause to learn from this, and all of the other times when I abused my control over you.
I am sorry for the years of damage I must have caused by gaining and losing weight, year after year. You must have been so confused with my behavior – sometimes I treated you like a queen and others like a servant, but never with respect that was sustainable, and you took the abuse. That was not loving of me, and I’m sorry.
I feel it is also my fault for luring you into addictive responses with sugars and processed carbohydrates. I know how you don’t like them, and I know how you have protested over the years any time I overindulged, which was often enough that you sometimes gave up fighting. I don’t blame you – I had too much control over you and not enough control over feeding you nourishment. I take full responsibility for that, and I promise to make sure that never happens again.
You do not need to cary the weight of my family. You do not need to cary the weight of the men who treated me poorly. You do not need to carry the weight of a stressful job. You do not need to carry the weight of friends’ plights. You do not need to carry the weight of finances. You do not need to carry the weight of the past. You do not need to carry the weight of the present. You do not need to carry the weight of the future.
I release you from all assumed obligations to protect and guard me from any stressors that may exist in my life, and I forgive myself for using you as my enemy rather than my ally.
I’m sorry for not being kind, loving and thoughtful with you. You deserve better and will have better from this point on.
That is my promise to you.
With deepest sincerity and love,