If I Died Tomorrow

I wish you could see what I see.  I wish you could be where I am.  I wish you could live like I live.

Because if I died tomorrow, I would die completely happy with how this lifetime turned out.  Period.

Not everyone can say that.  Not everyone can tell you that they are satisfied, never mind happy, with their life, especially at this current moment.  They wish they had more money, better health, a nicer car, kids that didn’t act up, a job they liked, more friends, more vacation time, less stress… but they never stop and say, “I did okay… and in this moment, I have everything I need and want.”  Because so many of us want more, even if our life is full.

But I don’t.  I can honestly tell  you, without hesitation, without reservation, that in this very moment, I am fulfilled, I am happy, and I love my life.

Now, do I have a “perfect” situation?  Well, that depends on who you ask.  If you asked me 5 years ago, I’d tell you, very loudly, I might add, “Hell no!”, but five years ago I thought “perfect” meant husband, 2.3 kids, house with a backyard, and probably a dog or some animal to keep all of us even more occupied.  So do I have that situation?  Nope.  But I didn’t want that situation.

I wanted this situation.  MY situation.

Fitting in never quite worked for me, and if I had the hubby and kids and Toto the dog running around, I’d “fit in” with what was around me five years ago.  But I never thought it quite matched who I was, and today, I’m so thankful that all of the men who thought they were going to marry me, didn’t work out, because I can tell you what I’d have today if we did get hitched.  I’d have 2.3 kids, 1 dog, no house with a backyard, and 1 ex-husband.  The math there doesn’t add up to much except 1 very unhappy Jaime. Nothankyou.

So instead of doing what others were did, I traded in the potential kids, dog, and spouse for the following: 1 condo with a pool, too many glasses of wine to count, 1 trip to Belize, 1 trip to Ireland, 1 trip to Africa, 1 trip to Mexico (3 days of Montezuma’s Revenge), 3 trips to Colorado, 3 trips to Memphis, 1 trip to Utah, SoulSisters, family, dates with all of the wrong ones (that will eventually lead to the right one), laughter that made my stomach hurt, tears that eventually dried, and a heart full of love, peace and happiness.  Oh, and 1 road trip that moved me to a place where my soul feels settled.

Now, if that wasn’t worth giving up the hubby and kids, I don’t know what is.  Maybe that list doesn’t impress you much, and maybe it shouldn’t, because I’m so much more than a list, and our lives are so much more than a list, but through all of that movement, I found myself a little more in each place, learned something new, saw life from the richest of rich to the poorest of poor, and everything in between, and I can honestly say that today, as I type on my computer: I’m happy.

I’ve done everything to this point I’ve set out to accomplish, and that’s pretty amazing, considering some people never get out of their own way long enough to even leave the house.  But that’s the beauty in stopping to recognize accomplishments, big or small.  Sometimes, and today was one of those moments, it’s the small things that lead us beyond our goals.

For months I’ve had this idea for the blog you are reading, because it was in May that I realized just how fortunate I am to have the life I’ve lived.  But why did I wait until now to actually get the words to the paper?  That part is not so simple.  I am someone who writes when they are moved by something, and clearly back in May, something moved me to consider this topic.  But the timing wasn’t quite right. I don’t usually deliberate over things like this for long, but I knew that there wasn’t enough substance to actually get to you what my heart and soul were speaking.

But today was different.  My soul said, “Today is the day…”  And I listened.

It was simple, really.  I was out for a morning bike ride along the High Line Canal Trail, near where I live, and it was the first time I ventured on this path.  I knew that when I parked to pick up the trail, I could either go right or left, so I chose right.  I didn’t know which would lead me where, and figured I’d just take a chance.  And of course everything we need comes to us exactly when we are open and ready for it, even something as simple as following a path to the right or left.  But I’m now thankful I chose as I did because the path was simply breathtaking.  I meandered through some countryside that overlooked the majestic mountains, and I traveled past homes that reflected Italian villas, and I saw beautiful flowers, happy exercisers, and I felt simply peaceful.

It was then I knew that this blog had to emerge.

I thought, as I paused along the path to attempt a picture of the mountains, that I wished I could share this with everyone I loved, and even those I do not yet know, because a picture just doesn’t do it justice that way the mountains deserve to be glorified.  But my experience there in that moment was so special because I got to witness such natural beauty.  I became overwhelmed with my thoughts and emotions that I wanted to tell you, that if tomorrow doesn’t happen, know that I’d be okay.

Abundance is all around us, but we don’t see it when we are consumed with “not enough” or “needing more”.  I’m not worried about either of those things, because as long as I have my experiences, and my love, and my comfort in all that is in my life, then I’m satisfied.  I’m happy.

I do hope tomorrow comes, because I know I still want to explore all of the boundless opportunities that await me, but I know that even in those moments as they arise, I’ll be present and happy with exactly the way they are manifesting.

If I died 1 If I died 2 If I died 3

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